My blog is a way for me to share in the wonder of each day. I know there are others like me that due to medical issues have our days numbered and would like to make the most of them in a positive and gifting way for ourselves and for those around us.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The flower bug

I've got it. The flower bug. It's running rampant through my mind. Today, since the weather was sooo perfect again, I just had to go to Walmart (of course) and spend money I shouldn't have to buy more flowers and onion bulbs and even some shrubs and then....I couldn't stop myself..I bought 2 trees, believe it or not! My little honda was filled, plus the apple tree was sticking at least 3 feet or more out the back hatchback window.

My (husbands) 1 year old (Olde English Bully Dogge) bulldog, Myrtle, sat on the seat beside me looking pretty hounddoggy nervous at all the greenery she huddled around. What was I thinking? I don't have the energy and strength to do this all by myself. So that means I have inadvertantly signed my husband up for the task of hole digging. Yes, he was so happy when he came home from a long hard day at work to see trees, shrubs and plants all over the front sidewalk waiting to be planted.

Actually, I did get the small flowers and even some onions, jalepenos and bonnie ? peppers planted by myself in the front flower beds and in the back garden area he already had tilled. As for the trees, I picked the spots, drew a circle in the dirt and said, "Here hon, this is where I would like this one." And being the dutiful and patient husband that he is, he dug the holes and even planted the trees. All I had to do was hold the hose to water the hole and the tree afterwards. I guess the Oxygen tank I carried on my back carries some 'poor me' weight, huh. :)

Now all I gotta do is find some way to keep all these plants from freezing this weekend when we have another Colorado fickle weather drop and get below freezing for 2-3 nights in a row. I bet some man has already thought of and delclared Colorado a womans state since the weather changes its mind all the time and can drop or rise 50 degrees within hours, year around. I remember learning somewhere in my mother to daughter life, that it is a woman's perogative to change her mind whenever and however often as nessesary. Isn't that still true? Then it's ok that I have these wild spur of the moment ideas to run to Walmart or where ever and buy out the store of any one product or project idea supplies.

I could go indepth on my 'gotta do it now' phases and how those phases sometimes collapse and go away long before the project is done and I'm on to the next wild hair brain idea. I'll bet there is no one else with that particular talent.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Springtime in Colorado

Today was a beautiful day and a great representation of Colorado weather. The temperature has been dropping below freezing almost everynight for the last 4 nights and then today the temp was almost 70. We are expecting similar weather through Wednesday and then the nighttime temp will drop to 22 degrees. Meaning that I will once again have to cover the new tulips and hycinths I just planted a week ago. (That was really smart, huh.)

I seem to have more energy when it is sunny and warm and so out I went into the yard wearing a light jacket, gloves and my oxygen tank on my back.

If you have never had to depend on a metal cylinder tank to carry enough oxygen for you to even walk, then you should try it sometime. it's like getting a workout by carrying a heavy weight on your back. The only thing is, when a person is already weak and has to breathe through a tube for oxygen, any weight added at all uses up all the bodys oxygen stores. Everything feels heavy, including your body. It is bulky and awkward to move around and I must remember to be very careful when bending down or I may topple over on my head due to the topheavy load. Won't that look cute?

Well, anyway, I slowly did a little cleanup in the yard and watered my newly planted flowers. My Aunt gave me some garlic and a chives plant which I added to the garden spot my husband already rototilled.

I love spring the best of all. Everything is so fresh and new. The new green is so bright and smooth, not dark and worn from weather. Flowers stand out on new branches and bushes and really catch my eye after a long gray winter. I feel just as new as those flowers and buds on the trees except for the aches and weariness of my body. It is my spirit that is light and airy and looking forward to each new day and each new miracle of life.

My sister, Brenda at has really been a joy to me since we were young children. I'll tell that tale some other day, but suffice it to say she is a bright spot in my world. I am glad she suggested this site because it will be a place I can say whatever is on my mind without worrying about how it might affect others since my object is to feel my own feelings and maybe give someone else the encouragement to share theirs. I think it is very important to touch other people where it matters most, in our hearts and minds. I am hoping others will tell me it's ok when I'm down just as I hope to do the same for someone.

It is important for everyone, not just those of us with clocks running out, to feel like we matter and to be able to give of ourselves to someone else. What better way for people to know that they will, in some small way, live on in others.

My daughter, Amber has been the biggest blessing for me through so much of my trials. She was there everytime I turned around and she was the one to take me to the hospital a few times and also waited for the ambulance with me. She spent countless hours with me in the hospital each time I was there and then spent so much time emailing everyone I have ever known, I think, just to keep them in the loop when I have been on deaths door. What a gem and I was lucky enough to be her mother. I'm crying as I add that I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve such love and devotion but she's my gift from God.

My husband, Rick, is definitely my reward from God. We met in 1996 when I was a single mother doing foster care for up to 9 kids including my own. I once had a close friend give me a suggestion about dating. She said not to mention how many kids I had on the first date or even the second or the guy might not come back. I told her that was all the more reason I would be sure to mention my 'exciting' life as a mother to so many. What a perfect screen to weed out the unlikely prospects. Only someone who really really really liked me for who I was, would dare to come back for more.
Lo and behold, there was this sweet and super quiet guy named Rick that I met at a church singles weekend retreat. We met on the basketball court and played 'horse' (I won, of course) and when we left for the lodge I forgot my jacket on a rock. Without saying a thing he picked it up and carried it for me. He's been picking up after me ever since. He was at my side every single day for the three month long hospital stay and every other day I have spent in at other times. He has taken care of me physically, emotionally and is definitely my 'soulmate'. And, oh, by the way, he gave me one of his kidneys which is still working for me even after some horrible ordeals. What more could I ever ask for. That, by the way, is true love and total devotion.

That's definitely enough for today. What a wonderful thing we have in living each day for God, for ourselves and for our loved ones.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

1 year later

One year after I was given the news that my medical condition was such that without intervention I had less than 20% chance of surviving 2 years. Fortunately for me, due to the miracle of medical discoveries and medication and family prayers, I am still here and feeling better physically than I did at the time of my diagnosis.

The first 6 months were the worst as I felt very low both physically and spiritually. My emotions were all over the place, but I was determined to be positive even though the end might be near. I began the process of gathering all of the financial and personal information that might be needed later on and I started flagging items or giving items away to those I wanted to have them. I began throwing away or donating many other things so that my family wouldn't have so much to wade through later on. Much of this took months to do since my physical condition limited my strength and ability to get about.
Just about the time I truly came to terms with my situation and started actually feeling positive I began to feel better with the new medication they had me on (one of 14 types). I decided that for however long I could still go on living and looking for the good in each day.
Now, I am feeling much better both physically and emotionally. I am still living each day with the knowledge that at anytime things can turn for the worse and I might be looking at or experiencing my end times. But, until that time, there is no reason to sit around worrying about it when I can eagerly look forward to time with my grandkids and other family and friends. I have finally, this last year, picked up painting which I have wanted to do since highschool. I am trying to paint a picture for each of my siblings and parents and special friends. I will continue until I can't and hopefully I will accomplish something in giving some part of me to others.
I will try to write in my blog some of the things that I face and feel and hopefully it will be of some use for someone else or maybe it will open the door for someone else to share their situation and feelings.
For today, that's all folks. :)